Trust...
"Just do hard work and keep reading books and keep learning, … That’s what I do every day because that’s my philosophy.” "Just do hard work and keep reading books and keep learning, … That’s what I do every day because that’s my philosophy.” - Dolester “Dol” Miles in an interview with The New York Times. The James Beard Foundation named her Outstanding Pastry Chef in May. I’ll break my sugar diet for anything she makes. Period. (💰 
The five:
  1. If you love the musical “My Fair Lady” (or simply find the tale of Pygmalion fascinating), then you’ll probably enjoy this explainer on the Pygmalion Effect and the effect expectations can have on performance. Also, here are 10 things you, apparently, don’t know about yourself, and here’s the latest installment in a series from the BBC on the healthcare gap women are falling into
  2. Protein is my go-to, but it looks like we may be consuming way more than we need (though the risks of doing so appear to be small). I, for one, am hoping to keep a healthy diet going, because I never want to fully retire. Here’s what working beyond 80 means for the wellness industry and here’s how much you need to exercise to slow your heart’s aging process, and here are some of the stories behind the Age of Grandparents (they’re often not happy ones). Then there’s this piece on the origin of the mid-life crisis. Ugh. Back to retirement... I plan on spending my non-retirement retirement time traveling. Good thing I have this cheat sheet on how to find cheap flights. Also, thank goodness there’s an app that will let me enjoy the library from my couch at home
  3. There’s a difference between intelligence and wisdom, and both are worth having. Compassion is also like a muscle — it can be strengthened. Compassion is a good thing to bring to a relationship, by the way, and so is a daily text, apparently. A text-a-day may keep a breakup at bay, but, if you’re a millennial, it may not bring you to the court house any faster (we’re most certainly taking our time 💰). Speaking of relationships, here’s a lovely piece on love and silence 💰. In re your work spouse, here’s why office relationships feel so weird 💰. 
  4. Enjoy this nerds paradise of a piece on how nations stay together. Speaking of togetherness, social connections plays such an important part in our health. Relationships are tough though, and if you’re mad at someone, it can be really inconvenient. Here’s how to coach your brain not to be mad at someone
  5. Seth Godin has a podcast, Patti Smith is on Instagram, and happiness has a cheat sheet. If you’re not up for any of that new stuff, how about good ol' Aristotle? There’s also this deep-dive as part of the Art of Manliness’s monthly series on Steven Covey’s “7 Habits for Highly Effective People” and this breakdown of Price’s Law. Oh, constraints are awesome


💰 = Paywall, though please do consider paying to read what people write. Writers like to eat too. (Apologies if I miss one…) 

How to build trust 🤝🏾
Trust is difficult to build and easy to lose (although, it can be bought apparently), and yet this fragile element is key to a functioning society. Friendships, investments, marriages, jobs, a casual stroll down the street — everything we do is governed by trust in ourselves and in others. Trust makes up the threads of our social fabric. 

It can be difficult for some people to build trust, however — whether it’s because they had a past experience where trust was broken or priming that pushed them to devalue placing trust in others or being trustworthy themselves. Whatever the blockage may be, an inability to build trust with others can be socially and economically crippling.  

Once upon a time, I used to be a huge fan of The X-Files — the show with the eery slogan: “Trust No One”. I remember reading it and always feeling it was a smart approach, not only for Agents Mulder and Scully, but for life in general. Around this time, I was figuring out how trust worked on a more sophisticated level than the grade-school playground. Trusting no one made all of the hard work of building the new latticework of a more mature social network disappear. Thankfully, I learned pretty quickly that, without the hard work of building trust, I could indeed go fast … but I wasn’t going to get very far. 

So, how do we build trust?  

I’ll be honest, I’m exploring this area because, as much as I learned in those earlier years, building trust is still a weakness. So, I don’t have a lot of advice to share. All I know, off hand, is that trust isn’t built through grand gestures or over short periods of time. Building trust is a bit like filling a jug one drop at a time. Building trust also requires constantly finding routes across lines of difference to find common ground. In fact, one way to build trust quickly is to mimic another person, forming common ground rather than looking for it.   

In short, building trust isn’t easy, and there are a lot of assumptions about the state of trust today (some of which philosopher Nora O’Neill turns upside down in her TEDx Talk). So, I took a tour around the inter webs, and I found a few things that helped me better understand the nature of trust and how best to build it. Trust building mostly broke down into two categories: work and romance. There are these ten ways to grow trust in the context of work relationships and a how-to on building trust with a new team, and these five ways to build trust and honesty in relationships

I hope these sources are helpful to you as you work to build trust (and make yourself more trustworthy). 
Thank you a million times...
Thank you so much Audrey Jacobs for the very kind donation last week! Thanks also to my long-time donor Natalya Pemberton! Natalya is a culture and design enthusiast learning Sustainable Systems at the innovative Presidio Graduate School.

She has generously supported E is for Everything on Patreon. Please jump on through to learn more about both them and their projects.
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Emi Kolawole · E is for Everything HQ · Palo Alto California 94306 · USA
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